how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have fence marks all over my body
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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