you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
