Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
