Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My liver just broke up with me...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
