i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
