he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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