You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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