Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
