Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
