tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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