And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
