Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
