Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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