I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
