My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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