He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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