Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
