He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
