His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
