Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
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