the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
