ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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