My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my poor anus
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
