I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
