please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
