I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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