Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
