it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
