If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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