her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
