Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
