You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
