I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
