You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
