i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
