I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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