Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
