just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so let's talk penis.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
