so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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