I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
