i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
