I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
