Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if i died would you start the facebook group?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
