I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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