the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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