apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
