Moan for me like Helen Keller
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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