im having a threesome with these popsicles
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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