last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
