I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
