A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
